Thursday, November 7, 2013

Difficult time

Breast-feeding and being an auditor working mom is one tough job. I was told that it is going to be difficult, but I totally underestimate the process. Juggling between the two exhaust me, sometimes I feel like giving up especially when I heard comments:
"Susu tak cukup, pam la lagi" (Not enough milk, pump more)
"Ha kalau susah, bagi la formula" (If its so difficult, just give formula milk)
"Asek meragam je dia, mesti nak melekat je la tu" (He's always fussy, he just want to latch all the time)
If you chose to a bf mom, you are in for a challening times. Not handling your baby but people's perception towards breastfeeding, how to handle people's lack of knowledge on breastfeeding, not to cry when you see your maid wasted 2 oz of your milk, your panic attack when you see your EBM is depleting, sleep deprivation and the most important thing to watch what you eat and drink
source: Google
Eversince I breastfeed my baby, my new breast best friend is milk, milk and milk. Not to forget almond, green vegetable, eggs, barley, oats and all sort of food that are labeled as 'milk booster'
But of course when you constantly eating and eating, you will gain some numbers in the weight department. There you go again, another stress on handling people's comment about your weight. I gave up on my 5th month, I simply dont care anymore what people say about how I look, and how I need to start dieting and bla bla bla
Whenever I feel down, I will look at Adam and remember I am giving him the best of what babies can get. I constantly say to myself, its okay, you can be slimmer later. The most important thing is Adam is healthy and growing up in the best way. You let go of your needs, and you put your son needs first
But when I read this today, I am crying inside

How can you possibly do that to your child?
Its irresponsible! Period
I know that when u breastfeed, you saved a lot. No need of expensive formula milk, you dont need tonnes of bottle set to feed your baby and etc.
source: Google
But you just CANNOT be irresponsible towards what you eat ( I was once trying to puke back something that I ate that had trace of soy lecithin)
May Allah give me strength to do this the right way 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Love is when...

You know it is love when you drink milk 5 times per day just to ensure your body is producing enough supply of milk for your baby,

You know it is love when you shove those bananas even though you really hate them so you get enough magnesium in your body

You know it is love when you wake up at 4am in the morning just to do power pumping

You know it is love when you just suck it up when your baby chew your nipple as if it is some kind of toys

You know it is love when you pump your milk under the table in your audit room

It is amazing how much, how far you would go and do for your baby, and I will do this until I cant do it anymore. Adam, if you are reading this when you are old enough to have your own laptop and internet connection (mommy will not allow you to be on ipad, smartphone what not. hahhahahahh), do know that I will never regret all the pain that I have to go through because you my son, is the best thing that has ever happen to me and I'll bleed all blood for you. (but please dont stab me with knife)

Friday, October 4, 2013

Living up to the expectations

The above is very difficult to do...

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Syomir Izwa RTW...

Still remember my wedding dress?

The most famous Syomir Izwa deisgned his own RTW for Eid this year
Being the biggest fan of his work (gah, Im still in love with my wedding dress!!!), and knowing how comfortable his designs are as well as how he is about quality of material.
Ive decided this year I must purchase his RTW

But the timing was not on my side,
After giving birth, I still have some pounds to shed off
Specifically in the tummy area, all mothers should know this

So, with heavy heart, I have to let go 2 designs that I really like...


The cutting is soooooo pretty and being me I like things that are geometrical. I dont really like things that are flowery. But once I see how short the top is, it is a BIG FAT NO

My tummy has no protection here

No no no

So, I only have these two...



Guess which one I bought for Raya?

Friday, July 12, 2013


Muhammad Adam Khaliff is already 3 months old now
How time flies
He is one healthy baby, and a happy one too

Me being the typical new mom, everything about him is adorable.
The way he smile, the way he giggled, the way he cry (well sometimes not so cute when he roaaarrrrr)

I am thankful that he is a happy baby and not choosy
He is still fully breastfeeding till now
I really really hope I can breastfeed him the longest possible
I love the bonding time that we have together

Some pictures of my little angel

When he was 2 weeks old, he was 2.9kg then

Adam at 3 months old. Happy, chubby with additional 2kg 



Friday, May 31, 2013


Some take it well
some may not

Parenthood is a learning process, sure none of us dont like to be told what to do, what is wrong with whatever we are doing and the most disgusting thing of all is comparing who does it better

But somehow, you cant run from the fact that someone else might do it better than you. Like I mentioned earlier, its a learning process. Kids are dynamic as well in nature. One day they may like your method, tomorrow they may not. Today Adam like it when I sing him some weird song that I created, yesterday it didnt work at all. The most important thing of all is to analyse which one works and then use it. I have my Mother in Law and my maid to thank for because sometimes they discover a new thing on him. Things that sooth him. But sometimes this baby of mine is unpredictable, when he is in his crying mode, nothing works. But once he hit his sleeping mode, whoever gets to cuddle him at that particular moment managed to get him to sleep. Its amazing how kids get to boss you around as well. It took 3 people to get Adam ready in the morning. Hahahahaha...and that was funny

I guess in this learning process, what we have to do is to take it with an open arms. The nice thing about confinement leave is I get to analyse his cry and see his pattern. There was one night, he dont want to sleep and keep on crying, Ive tried every single method that I know, nothing works. Little that I know is that he just need to change his baju because he was not comfortable. Once we change his sleeping suit, he slept like an angel. Pheww, after 10th attempt to get him to sleep. But till now, I am not too sure whether I can know all of his crying sounds.

It is also important to accept things are not always on your side. You are not always right and sometimes other people do the right thing. Of course, its a little bit sad to know that your kids prefer to sleep in the arms of your maid rather than you but heck Ill accept anything that makes my kid comfortable, even when I have to swallow the fact that my child only need me for my nipples

I am not always right. Its just that I only tell things that we discover. Sure, people will think that you are wrong but to me this is not a competition although some people think I take it as such. I only tell what I think and its up to the individual whether to take it as good or not

For the new parents, I was told by a friend that both parents will struggle to find the right thing to do to your kid. I think this is true as I am struggling a little bit now. And she once told me the key to it is to just tell your side of the story and see whether it works. If its not working then just try other thing. Never give up. I hope I can find the key to this and make it work for Adam.

Of course I dont like it when my maid told me that I was wrong. For a minute, you'll feel like ek eleh im his mother la of course I know. But it doesnt work that way. when you are wrong, even you are your child mother, you are still wrong.

What to do.
Just accept it lah I guess

Thursday, May 30, 2013


Have you heard about it?
Well I havent until Adam was disgnosed with it
It is not a disease but it is more like sometic genetically inherited from your parents
and in this situation Adam inherited it from me
I am a carrier but I do not experience neither the symptoms nor the allergy triggered by foods and medication

G6PD deficiency is an inherited condition in which the body doesn't have enough of the enzyme glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase, or G6PD, which helps red blood cells (RBCs) function normally. This deficiency can cause hemolytic anemia, usually after exposure to certain medications, foods, or even infections. There is no known cure nor do you grow out of it. It is a life long condition. The only thing you can do is avoid substances which cause oxidative stress and that use G6PD

Read more:

Caring for a G6PD will be most challenging when they will be in school
Because then we will no longer have the control on what they eat, what they touch and such
Looking at the list of food to avoid for G6PD deficient I cried
Because theres too many good things that they cant consume and whats more daunting is these stuff are easily and commonly used in food making
For example Soybean

Educating your child with the Do's and Dont's will be the crucial part in our parenthood process soon. I pray hard to Allah that He will ease and make it slightly easier for us to care for lil Adam and ensure he will still experience the best childhood experience even with this condition

For now, I feed him with the best food he can get in this world

Breast milk!!!!

Breastfeeding I kid you not is the most amazing experience ever. You get to bond with your baby and the most amazing thing is when they look at you when they suckle and try to hold your hand
Being amazing as it is, it is not easy as well especially in the first week
But once you get the flow, everything will be easy for you and your baby

By breastfeeding, you must ensure you get the right nutrition to let your body prepare the most yummy milk ever for your baby
Your meal has to be packed with Vitamins, Carbs, Protein and most importantly to stay dehydrated and drink 3L of water everyday


But if you cant stand the taste of Full Cream Milk, try this one


Thursday, May 16, 2013


Yes, I would like to talk about the long 44 days that mothers MUST go through.

I am not too sure why its 44 days but rest assured its DAMN LONG

Before giving birth, I always thought days will go by without me knowing it
You know like eh dah 44 hari dah ke... (eh, its 44 days already? I cant tell)

But let me tell you,
Days go by pretty slow
Nights especially, it seems longer now
You checked your clock ah its 2am, next thing when your baby wake you up, you checked again hoping its already 6.30am
Its 3.45am in the morning

There were days in my confinement period where I was literally a human pacifier. Adam needs to be feed every one hour and it took him 30 minutes to feed and almost 20 minutes to get him to sleep. So thats about 10 minutes window left for eye shut

I have to tell you that it was a real help to hire a confinement lady that stays with you during your confinement. The lady will help taking care of you, taking care of the baby and even stay awake at night to ensure your baby's asleep and such

I hired a confinement lady for 28 days and I cried the day she went home. Seriously guys, dont get calculative and think that forking out RM3k for the 28 days is a waste. It is not. It was a real good investment for me. Unless you have a full time maid to care of your newborn, then I believe you must hire a confinement lady, especially for those first time mom. I am still struggling when I want to bath adam but imagine if I had to do that at day 5 or day 6 of my confinement
The early week (week 1) was crucial to ensure that you get enough rest.
But the thing that really makes confinement is as dull as ever, is the thing that you can eat
I am a real eater
I can really eat and I usually indulge for food
So when the list of food that you can consume is just one page during confinement
I hit my I-cant-take-it-anymore wall during week 4
Its so boring
Its fish, fish and fish all the way
Yesterday I ate steam fish, what to have today? Ah there you go, fish again

And it is really not helping when my favourite channel to watch are AFC, Food Network and all those
Whenever I watch Giada at Home, Man vs Food, and Grilled it with Bobby Flay, I had my imaginary eating out scheduled and I whatsapp booTak right away

source: *Google*

Post confinement eating out schedule:
1. Rakuzen (Sashimi, I really miss you)
2. El - toro (Steaks that are yummy)
3. Chillis (I want those burgers)
4. Upstairs cafe - I want those spaghetti
5. Sari Ratu - I want my Gulai Ayam and Sambal Hijau)
6. Thai Thai (I want my Thai Iced Tea with Tom Yam  and mieng Kam)

But above all these restaurant,
Theres one thing that I really really want to eat right now

source: *google*

I really want thissssss....
I think the morning on day 45 I am going to eat this

Le sigh

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The 18hrs...

Phewwww, I can breath now
Let me continue my story about my labour experience
Warning! Too much picture

The story began at 5.30am where my water broke
I was sleeping and I remembered I had a dream about giving birth
Little that I know that its actually for real

At first I thought I peed and wet my bed
Oh boy malu kot
But suddenly the water flows were very strong and it came out terlalu banyak
Then I told myself AMAGAAADD this is it

Woke booTak up and his first reaction
Relax...relax...relax (boleh la suruh relax cuba dia yang pregant)

I read that if your water leak/broke minimally you have around 3-4 hours to delay before going to the hospital
But this one was too much, even after I took my shower it was still flowing
My initial plan was to go mamak and eat maggi goreng (regret not doing it)
But since the flow was too heavy I decided straight to the hospital it is

But let me have some bagel first
and for the record, I cook my scrambled egg that morning

Who can really eat at 6.00am in the morning

Reached the hospital and went straight to 4th floor, the labour room
Registered myself and went to the Labour Room 1

Baring first, no wire around my belly yet

Can still smile at the moment

My contraction was 4 minutes apart that time. I can still manage to tahan the pain but my back was killing me

And it kills me further when the midwife told me I was only 2cm dilated
Hoiii, lama lagi tu kot

Prior going to the labour room, Ive already decided that I want to take the epidural.
Yah, the chicken me
I am so scared of the labour pain Ive let it control and took over me
a friend of mine once told me
"Bungee jumping leh buat takkan beranak takut"
("you can do bungee jumping, dont tell me you are scared of labour pain")

was playing candy crush.

So my mind was occupied with 'when should I take the epidural?' thought
Ive heard friend's experience where they wanted epidural but it was too late as they were already dilated for more than 5cm and I sure as hell dont want that to happen to me

But we can only plan, the Almight above has other plan for me
Instead of too late to take epidural scenario, mine was epidural too early case

I took mine with empty stomach, when I was only 3 cm dilated and let me tell you it really prolong the wholeeee process
Migration between cm happened every 2-3 hours and I felt like giving bitch slap to the midwife whenever she said "ouh baru 4.5cm"
whats up with the .5cm?
Cant you just round it up?

My contraction after 8 hours I think

Ouh you might ask why took the epi with an empty stomach?
so let me just answer the imaginary question...
Lil adam's heartbeat was not in a very good pattern. It was okay circa 130-145 but the pattern was not 'pretty' as they described it
So i had to restrained myself from taking anything through my mouth in preparation for emergency c-section

One thought, c-section will definitely end this thing early and i could go back to the normal ward and sleep
Another thought, slow recovery, and whopping cost to be taken care of

I pray hard for it not to go through

Things I did best, sleep

So, with epi in me, empty stomach some more, at 5pm onwards I keep on vomiting the gastric juice. You see thats one of the cons of taking epi (which the anaes didnt tell me. cissness)
I vomited for about 6 times and of course I loss my energy but I keep some still and playing candy crush helps to ease my pain

Thank God for Candy Crush (ouh btw I killed 5 level while waiting for my labour. Ha cool or not)

At 8.30pm I was already 8cm dilated and the midwives all preparing the labour room for the delivery



So we took picture first

At 10.30pm I was already 9.5cm dilated and the pain felt like I am going to die. Okay you may think I overreacted and exxagerated it
I swear to God I am not

The pain felt like somebody came to you and patahkan your pinggang
and it happened every 2 minutes
The epi certainly did not do its wonder to me anymore so the midwives asked me to take the laughing gas to help ease the pain


They should call it sleeping gas cause I sure as hell felt sleepy and felt no energy to push

So, tick tock tick tock I was at 10cm at about 11pm
Yes I know the time because I will remember it for the rest of my life now and the giant clock was right smack in front of my face anyway

You know, when you didnt eat, you vomited so at 10cm dilation, you felt nothing
I tried to push and push
I know the midwives tipu me when they said I am doing great because i catch them laughing sesama mereka

So when the doctor arrived she suggested its either I vacuum or go for C Section
You have got to be kidding me
After 18hrs baru cakap nak suruh C Sect?
Then I somehow got some hidden energy inside me as if Ive just ate some power bar before marathon and I pushed like hell
I pushed hard until booTak hands almost patah when I grabbed it

At 11.45pm
This miracle happened

My angel Muhammad Adam Khaliff

I am so blessed that I am now a mother and I now realise the labour pain is no shit yo
Thank you Emak, I can never repay you for that (plus dulu dulu takde epidural, so I have no idea how she did it)

For anak anak di luar sana, hargailah ibu anda
For suami suami, hargailah isteri anda because Im pretty sure if its the other way around, you cant do it.

This was me after that. Tido ngaga and tak sedar diri

ADAM KHALIFF, Mummy loveeeeee youuuuu (i hope this blog will remain until my son besar so he can read it and know how awesome his mother was when giving birth to him)

Monday, April 15, 2013

Welcome, sweet little man

6 April 2013,
Marked as the most memorable day of my life
My first child was born on that day,

Baby A was born after 18 hours of waiting time
I shall write about it in detail soon (oh well, if you wish to read it. :)

On the day he was born, we referred him as Baby A
Not that we are not ready with choices/selection of baby names
Its just that we want our relatives to wait hehehehe

Here goes
Baby A's official name is...

Muhammad Adam Khaliff bin Muhammad Rizhan
6 April 2013/25 Jamadilawal 1434H

My first time holding him

Thank you for all your kind wishes through FB, Instagram and Twitter
Appreciate it

I am now a mother

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Big, bigger, biggest

I'm still here blogging

38++ and still ballooning, thank you for asking
Last checkup I gained another KG in me
Dont think it went to the baby, to my thigh more like
I can imagine and visualise treadmill is waving at me

But then again I am blessed with an average gain in the weight department
Prior pregnancy I am already overweight
I was 54kg
54 freakin' KG
and at my last check up i was 63KG

Another KG to make it a whoppin 10kg increase
*le sigh*

Nonetheless, the baby's weight is estimated at 3.0kg now
So 10 - 3 = 7
So the amniotic fluid would be around 2 - 3kg? maybe?
so 7 - 2 = 5kg

Ouhhh okaylah not so bad

at week 24 (already bulat)

at week 28

at week 30

at week 38++

Lets see whether there will be picture at week 39 or 40
Hoping none for 41
Im already tired

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The final prep

 The final preparation before the grand arrival

Growing up we both dont really have the privillege of having our own room.
5 siblings of mine, yeah we like to cramped our life with each other
Thats how close we were when we were little

So, I thought for a change maybe we should have this concept of having own room for our kids in future
Kononnya can instil responsibility and accountability of your own room, well that kind of stuff

Hahaha, lets see how far can this go

So, some picture of the new room.
But not a full one cause we have yet to decorate and paint the room
I am still indecisive on the color

Not yet baby's stuff, mummy still wants to conquer the room

Daddy-to-be trying to figure it out, baby cot 101

The closet, at least for now. Not sure how it will looks like once clothes flood the area.

Some clothes for now. Still nicely hang.

Some of the baby's bathing need. I figured lets go organic this time around

The changing area. What a view huh? changing diapers sambil melihat kehijauan alam sekitar

To date, we have completed most of the must-have
Except for the infant carrier. Have got to run and get it soon.

I am still contemplating whether I should get the rocking chair from Ikea
Konon to use while breastfeeding
me and style

Okay, what else?

erm, will flood you with post soon
Since I am so freeeee now
Not working feels weird you guys

Monday, April 1, 2013

Counting Days...

I am in my 1-2 weeks away from meeting my lil hero
If you know me well, you know that I hate waiting
But this one, we have to wait and leave it to the Almighty above on the delivery time
Theres nothing that we can do at this point rather than waiting anxiously...

Weekly checkup is a must now that I am now in my late pregnancy,
Ultrasound seems good and we hope and leave it to Allah for a beautiful and healthy baby for us to love and cherish for the rest of our lives

You see, technology nowadays is awesome its too good to not to use it. Our parents did not have the chance to basically have some glimpse of how we would look like when we were born but now we have this 4D scan where you can actually see some babies waving, dig their nose and even yawn *hahahahhaa*

and here is ours....

Watching this gives me goose bumps knowing that in a mere 1-2 weeks we will be having our own baby and our lives will now be about this lil bundle of joy, no longer us.

I think I am ready to be a mother, not quite sure whether I will be a good one but rest assured I will want to be someone like my mother. I dont know how she thought me and raised me to be the person I am now but I am pretty sure she did a kickass job considering I turned out to be ok. Hehehhee...

I cant comment on parenting skills or heck even talk about it. You will only know when you experience it. But rest assured I will ensure this baby of mine will get the most balance lifestyle that a child could ever wish for. People said that how you behave, what you like during pregnancy will mostly effect your baby and he/she would pretty much inherit or shadow it to the very least. Ok now I am scared.

I played too much Candy Crush during my pregnancy I may turn my kid to be a game freak

Ouh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Friday, March 8, 2013

Baby Shower

Last weekend was rather hectic...
Went to Ante Natal class, post birthday lunch for booTak with familia,
Dinner and the list goes on

To top it, booTak had to work on Sunday, so after that we went to KLConvention Centre for the baby expo.

Weeeee, we managed to get a very good deal for 4-in-1 baby cot (with premium latex matress hokieee), playpen and also collection for Burt Bee's bath care for the baby

Earlier in the morning, booTak said he wanted to treat me for nice hi-tea so he said wear something cantik for that
Little that I know that he actually planned the whole thing up
Just for this

A baby shower


You see, he is not the kind of person that is very good when it comes to keeping secret. So whenever he tried to plan something nice or surprise more like, he usually failed to keep it away from me
I can sniff it in a jiffy
Thats how good I am

But this time around, I have to give him a standing ovation
Coupled with clap clap

together with annette, they planned this earlier
the deco department was handled by annette and he was in charge for financial related stuff

Eventhough most people cant make it at a very last minute, overall I had fun
It was a small but close shower
Something that I will remember forever

The partner in crime

The mastermind a.k.a Finance Manager

We had it at Delicious Bangsar Village with 'A-Little-Man-Is-On-His-Way theme
Hi-tea for 12 people
Perfect, just what I needed
Something close and warm

Thank you again for the shower
I am indeed very lucky to have you both in my life


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