Monday, July 26, 2010

Staying Strong!

I has always been perceived as a strong person. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Some may take it as a compliment, yah I used to gloat when people told me "Im not like you, I am not that strong"

However, being 'strong' is difficult. You have to be in the state of 'strong' at almost all time...and when somebody told me "you are the most independent women I have ever met in my life, dont get me into thinking that I was wrong all this while" its like having a big fat huge rock being thrown at me; from all angle.

I couldnt help but wonder, does this 'strong' person deserve a break? By break means will he/she allowed to have a meltdown, breakdown and all sorts of down for at least once?

I dont know about most of you but to me being strong requires whole lots of effort and lately the amount of effort needed at my side exceeded the threshold set. It is beyond my acceptable level anymore and it is weighing me down slowly. I go through day by day reminiscing all those good days and times I had before. Those days when my only worries is whether my 50bucks will keep my alive till the end of the week, and whether I will have the time to copy my friend's program for assignment as I suck big time in all sorts of computer programming (and I took IT Engineering, so if you have doubts how I managed to get my degree, I dont blame you)

I know, this is life. As you progressing, there will be time when you will be challenged in terms of all aspect. Emotion, physicall and mental.
The physical and mental bit, I can swallow. But the emotion bit, *sigh*...
It's frustrating when people around you does not communicate with you using the same language. The absence of expected similarities sometimes makes you wonder, do they really understand me at all? Does anyone ever ask themselves, what would Nana want in this situation?


I used to wonder, why people blog about their emotion. I mean some stuff are private and when I read some bloggers yip-yapping about how they hate their friends, bosses, mother, father, siblings, boyfriend, girlfriend (this is not an exhaustive list), I used to tell myself...
"hurm, why do they do this? ran out of methods to express their emotion ke?"

Somehow I do understand now, I understand the fact that expressing emotion through words can be fulfilling too. and the best part is the computer well in this case your blog page wont talk back, and for sure they cant criticise you. The computer only listen (well, in this case they let those words appear on the screen)

and yah sometimes, thats the only things that you need. To be listen to...

I spent 27 years of my life listened to others, I believe my cycle should be up now. I believe I deserve to be listen to.



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