Thursday, December 16, 2010

Living up to the expectations

Have you ever feel that sometimes your life is all about living up to expectations? well not yours but others.

Is it bad if you feel such way?

Thats what I feel now. I feel that whatever I did, will never live up to people's expectations.
Theres always a 'but' in their sentences...

Person A: "I can give you this much but I expect you to work harder than ever. Prove to us that you deserve this"
Me: "Okay"

Person B: "I cannot be the only person to untangle your dainty emotions; you have to as well"

Me: *pregnant pause*

Person C: "This is lower than what I expected from you. I know maybe you think you've done your best but its not enough"
Me: *clueless*

These are just among the 3 incidents that occured this week. This is not an exhaustive list. As rightly pointed out by Person C where she's aware than I have done my best yet not enought, it makes me wonder can people ever be satisfied with whatever they have/received in their life?

I aint no angel, Im not perfect but at least I know im not stupid

Its tiring when you are living a life where you are not your own priority anymore, its others. I have once live a life where I care shitless for others. My only priority is my ownself and I was happy that time. Sounded selfish but at least I am not miserable.

Here when I am trying to make a change and to act for a greater good not just for me but also for people surrounds me, I failed. and boy i failed miserably.

I know life its not fair, I get it but somehow I feel fair is too subjective for us to even understand. Whats fair for me may not be fair for others; vice versa. I feel it is not fair if you blurt out whatever things that you believe, feel or even think only to realise that it is going to bite you back in the end. I'd rather keeping it to myself but this will bring no good to me as it will give an accumulative impact to my own feelings

So, who will you choose?

Your own self or others?


Anonymous said...

I can never live up to the expectations others have of me. Others being a relative term for a person I have idealized in both word and action since I can remember; my father.

I do not make much of the opportunities life has given me. I was given two interviews on television once, he quotes how he could have used the chance to further his own student career but how I simply let them slide. Similarly, a communications company offered that I work for them once, I tried contacting them afterwards but they didn't respond. He believes that it's owing to my lack of ambition that I let opportunities like this pass me by and don't pursue them unless urged to do so.

My reaction? I HATE myself. I have no self-respect whatsoever. I procrastinate and am an overall waste of space.

I have disappointed the only person who ever cared for me and am too much of a coward to try and change that. Maybe I am not even worth the air I breathe everyday.

mclarenna said...

Hi dear,

Dont sell yourself short. Theres a reason past is called 'past' as we need to leave it behind and pass us by.

I understand how you feel. I used to be a prcrastinator as well especially in my school days and that led me to no good. I failed my father's expectation too when I ran away from boarding school hence crush his dream to see me as a doctor.

Theres always time for us to recover from our mistake. Lets not procrastinate that for now. I am pretty sure you are not a coward for blurting this out to me, it takes something. It takes courage and you surely has that. Make a small move, take those baby steps and try

I know you will

Would love to hear any update from you soon. email me k


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