Tuesday, March 4, 2014


I've lost the battle,
The battle between BF and FM
I know, I bore you with a lot of breastfeeding stories yada yada,
But I personally think I must tell this story,
So others can benefit from it...

Initially I've set a short term mission; 6 month fully breastfeeding then extended to 1 year fully breastfeeding. It is important for mothers who wish to breastfeed their child to set their own target, mission and vision so it can be your motivating factor.
The first 6 months was easy, supply was exceeding the demand so to speak
So I had a lot of EBM in my fridge

The reality kicked in when he was 8 months old,
Stocks depleted so cepat I cant even catch up...
and the situation worsen when I started sending him to Tunas Kijang, the daycare centre under my organization
With 5 teachers and 11 babies in his class, Adam can no longer enjoy the benefit of having all eyes watching his every move, his every need. Everything is based on schedule in which they have allocated 3 milk time daily
So, 3 x 4oz per milk time, I have to prepare 12 oz of EBM every day for him
I was not very keen on setting the oz too high considering he is already taking solid food and I dont think he will be hungry every 1.5hrs but I cant comment much when they say theres a possibility he wants more milk when he sees everybody else is drinking theirs
#irestmycase #hisneedisevenmoreimportant

In order to be able to provide those ounces, I have to do more pumping.
Its easy if you are staying at home, you can just shove your boobies to his face and the problem is solved
Its not easy when you are working and hell its even worse when you are an auditor
The other auditor mommies can vouch to this
I practically have back-to-back meeting during peak season, and it were all long winded meeting
Also with the lactation room situation where banks that I audit do npt provide this facility which translated to pumping-at-any-places kind of modus operandi in order to achieve the target

But I cant be having 4 pumping session at the office/bank. So I end up pumping in the middle of the night or as early as 4am everyday. It was really tiring I cant deny that. I've been doing this for 2 months despite all the pressure for me to top his milk intake with formula milk.

But somehow along the line, I lost. It really took a toll on me and with heavy hearts I introduced Goat's formula milk to my baby, at the age of 10 months++. I cried that day, every time I think of it, I cried. I have failed in giving the best to my son.

So, the moral of the story here is to be prepared if you wish to fully bf your baby till 2 years old. It requires tonnes of sacrifice, lesser sleep hours, more wrinkle around your eyes, more money spend on eye cream and the most important part, your emotion.

You also need to be emotionally strong to combat this. You need to have a good surrounding. You need to have an understanding husband that would be willing to do house chores like folding clothes, sweeping floor, make the bed and etc. You need to be with positive people that have similar goal to see the baby is getting the best milk in the whole wide world and most importantly money cant buy. You need to have the environment where people acknowledge that breastfeeding is the best choice.

To husbands out there, help your wife. Because that's the least of things that you can do. Literally. Think about those money that your wife helped to save when she provide her milk to your child. Formula milk is not cheap I can tell you that. If you think that your day sucks, think again because what your wife had to endure in order to produce those 12 ounces is beyond word. Heck if men can produce milk instead of women, I am sure that Formula Milk companies is doubling their profit today.Also, always think that this is just  a phase when she suddenly PMS-ing and what not. It will go away and it will be a smooth one if she is getting all the help that she need

To my son, I am so sorry. I have failed you. I will try still until I just cant do it anymore. Do know that I will do anything for you,even it cost me my life and my happiness

I love you Adam Khaliff



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