i'm back

Im back
from the land where people speak with melody
and where silk is famous only for tourist
i shall update soon
for now
zzzZzzzzzzzZzzzzZz

The way we grieve now...

I came across this article from yahoo reading this morning, (well ekceli booTak gave it to me)


Boarding a flight, Lisa Niemi pulled out her phone and texted "I love you” to her husband. It was a sentiment she'd often shared with her partner of 34 years, actor Patrick Swayze. And even though he'd lost his battle to pancreatic cancer a year ago this week, she wasn't ready to give it up. “Either somewhere out there he received [the message], or someone's going, 'Somebody loves me!' And you know what? I figured it was a win-win situation,” revealed Niemi in an interview with People Magazine.

“I have a client who never turned off her husband’s cell phone after he died. She takes comfort in calling his voice mail to hear him speak,” says Claire Bidwell Smith, M.A., L.P.C., a hospice and bereavement specialist. “Rituals and routines like that are actually healthy in confronting your emotions and can hold a person in a secure place for longer.”

Actress Michelle Williams echoed the sentiment in the months after Heath Ledger’s death. "I wish we had rituals about grief," she said in an interview with Vogue. "I wish it were still the Victorian times, and we could go from black to gray to mauve to pink, and have rings with hair in them.”

read more at Yahoo Reading

I echoed Michelle Williams in this. There is no unwritten rules/rituals about grief. Some take a south way to muddle through and some may go north. It is never a Yes or No situation or Do's and Dont's, and there is no fine line to distinguish the two. Inevitably some may cross the border and do something that community may perceive as Dont's but heck who are we to judge and say that ones shouldnt do the certain things as their way to grief. I once heard a story about a wife who never wash his husband clothes just to have this comfort of his smell when she needs it and her friends thought it was crazy. I cant blame her for being crazy, as being crazily in love with her husband led her to do such thing, and to me I thought its rather sweet and calming.

A lot of readings can be found today and this whole week about the brutal murder of Datuk Sosilawati. Yah, I know the whole country would want to be updated about whats going on with the case and the status of it. But has anyone ever wonder how does the family feels and coping with it? One that I can assure you is by having tonnes of reporter fencing their house's gates day and night to get the glimpse of the children and loaded reports on how the mother was brutally killed where 70% of it were merely assumptions and here say by some reporters will not help much on their mourning phases. I understand that is part of their job but we are human, we need some times to re-adjust and re-stabilise and adapt to the new situation.

*sigh*

We will never know when is our time to do such, nonetheless I believe we would much appreciate if we are allowed to take our own sweet time to let things go.
Part of the struggle comes from the fact that there's no time-line for the pain. Secret habits and rituals born out of loss can carry over for decades, even to the point where it becomes second nature.

I hope Malaysia would give the family their space and time to breath, for they sure are in need.

Eid Mubarak

Salam Aidilfitri,

Its 5th Syawal and I am now back to work, with sour feelings I must say. Office is still pretty much empty with only 3 members of my team are around. That explains the need to ber'blogging' as I am extremely bored right now. The working modd has yet to kick in.

This year's raya is deemed dull to me. With less relatives went back to kampung, coupled with terrible choices of Raya Shows on television, I would say its rather dreary. I just dont get it, who wants to watch cerita hantu during raya? *sigh*

and that also explain the less picture taken this time around. with my only reliance was my berihitam's camera, so I did not put high expectations on the quality as well as the quantity. Nonetheless, the pics

* my family with our latest addition, humairah



* my sister

More? errr thats about it actually. Hehhehe....

The raya mood failed to kick in me. It also took a downcast road with the recent stories on the murder of the late Datuk Sosilawati. Its heartbreaking to me, but I cant say the same about the feelings that the childrens have right now. It must be more than heartbreaking, one can only imagine.

The act was brutal and inhuman. Lets pray for her soul to safely rest in peace and my condolences to the family. Al-fatihah....

Let Go...

Hey, maybe the time
Just wasn't right to hang on
When are you gonna learn
Sometimes things turn instead of turn out

Hey, when are you gonna stand
Stop looking over your shoulder
Me, with a head full of words
And not one useful expression
Hey, let go

We, with holes in our hearts
Were whole at the start
Our story began
We film ourselves 'til the end
Try to suspend our lives in the dark

Hey, let go
Let go (will we be the ones to understand?)...

Wailin Jennys - Begin

Salam Aidilfitri

Aidilfitri is like 2 days away now.
That means Ramadhan is about to end :(

*sigh*
I am going to miss the feelings of performing terawih,
I am going to miss the feelings of walking back from terawih (I dont know maybe it is just me, I feel Muslims are stronger and united during terawih),
I am going to miss the 'kemerduan' of Masjid Wilayah's imams' voice,
I am going to miss the iftar session with friends and family,
and whole lots of other things.

By all these, not saying that I am not excited for Raya. I still do but maybe as you grow older the feelings are not that great anymore.
Besides, I have this feeling of I still have unaccomplished mission. Perhaps what we did during this Holy month are still not perfect yet (at least to me)

Speaking of raya, I still remember those time, those good old days when girls in my school were in this competition of whose getting the most kad raya.
Yah, that competition does exist. I am not sure about the status now as people are moving towards technology driven communication now
To me, kad raya still give one sort of sentimental feelings.
It does because people go extra miles for it. Getting the kad raya, buying the stamps, writing greetings on it. It has some sentimental touch to it that no sms or e-mail can give. Well, new addition, BBM that is.

Whenever I received kad raya those time with greetings "Pecah kaca pecah gelas, sudah baca harap balas", it gave a reaction to my face; means i have to burnt a hole in my thiny pocket to get more kad raya. You see, when you are still kids and teenagers, RM2 did give an impact. Yah. Well actually it still does up until now.

I love it even more when I received the kad raya with songs attached to it, and what gave you the bragging rights that time was when you received a gigantic fancy cards from super special someone (ye, saya sudah ada boyfriend masa darjah 5)

I am smiling still when I write this.

Well this year, I only received few card raya. Mostly from bankers (yah, they are sort of like obliged to send to us to maintain good repo. Hehehe. poor thing)
And when I see the pile of my unwritten card raya, it proves something that nowadays people just dont go extra miles anymore. (well maybe not for some avid runners like runningmom and doc.)

and to me this is another factor why I feel raya is not that great anymore. not the kad raya, but the sentimental value of it.

Nonetheless, I wish all of you Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin
and yah I did not run at all during Ramadhan. Saya tidak layak digelar runner